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I feel like I don't fit into my family a
 
Dancer  posted on Nov 22, 2009 8:05:25 AM - Report post

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You will miss them when they're dead.
 
saurabhfzd  posted on Nov 22, 2009 8:06:42 AM - Report post

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quote:
originally posted by Dancer

You will miss them when they're dead.

true. but it can get very depressing.

 
Dhampy  posted on Nov 22, 2009 8:09:36 AM - Report post

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quote:
originally posted by saurabhfzd

quote:
originally posted by Dhampy

No you don't. You're an adult, you can simply choose not to go.

its not as easy as u might think. i come from a very orthodox/traditional part of the world. there's plenty for the sake of the family and duty that i've had to do...but didn't like at all. it gets complicated...even as adults...not always black/white...plenty of shades of grey too.

No, it is that easy. You just don't go. If they're really your FAMILY, then they will accept it and forgive. If they don't, they're just people you're related to and aren't worth dealing with.

 
saurabhfzd  posted on Nov 22, 2009 8:13:17 AM - Report post

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quote:
originally posted by Dhampy

quote:
originally posted by saurabhfzd

quote:
originally posted by Dhampy

No you don't. You're an adult, you can simply choose not to go.

its not as easy as u might think. i come from a very orthodox/traditional part of the world. there's plenty for the sake of the family and duty that i've had to do...but didn't like at all. it gets complicated...even as adults...not always black/white...plenty of shades of grey too.

No, it is that easy. You just don't go. If they're really your FAMILY, then they will accept it and forgive. If they don't, they're just people you're related to and aren't worth dealing with.

well..yea...that's true...but...i wish most patriarchal families were that..broad minded.

 
Tri_Edge_1836  posted on Nov 22, 2009 8:25:38 AM - Report post

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Saurabh. I know what you mean. Maybe better coz I'm from kerala (state in southern India for the others who wouldn't know bout it and Has Very VERY Deep roots in tradition and stuff). Most of the times I don't mind Doing it too much as I can just put on the I-pod and do the work anyways. And Force myself to think that the main thing that I'm doing here is Listening to the songs I like and the other stuff I'm either just moving m Hands or sitting there. In cases where the I-pod in ears is not allowed like I am forced to sit around with people I barely Don't know the names of discussing people I have no clue existed and specially the names.. (forget remembering, but try being able to properly pronounce names like padathakkeparambil and stuff like that-I feel its nearly Inhuman )Also the state where I'm from is Highly close-knitted and Society and your Social feel Is VERY important. And what you did in someone's House(the way you talked and the way you talked- specially since I'm not a known commodity as I now live in a different state). Also some extremely wierd issues Pop up which actually should not be discussed @ the house of these people you know nearly nothing about.
But then i try and Occupy myself with stuff like the good food they serve or maybe how one of the females there might look nice or try and think about finding something good in this situation.
basically to me it just is better if you accept it as a part of life. But this is sometimes not that easy,. So in those hard situations I tell myself that I 'd rather tell my parents that I am Absolutell not going to that place or Do whatever. And for the effects maybe add something like "I Don't care what you guys say but I'm just not Going/gonna Do that" or maybe say that I really have to do something else or before hand make some situation in which I can bail-out of doing some thing.
 
saurabhfzd  posted on Nov 22, 2009 8:28:45 AM - Report post

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quote:
originally posted by Tri_Edge_1836

Saurabh. I know what you mean. Maybe better coz I'm from kerala (state in southern India for the others who wouldn't know bout it and Has Very VERY Deep roots in tradition and stuff). Most of the times I don't mind Doing it too much as I can just put on the I-pod and do the work anyways. And Force myself to think that the main thing that I'm doing here is Listening to the songs I like and the other stuff I'm either just moving m Hands or sitting there. In cases where the I-pod in ears is not allowed like I am forced to sit around with people I barely Don't know the names of discussing people I have no clue existed and specially the names.. (forget remembering, but try being able to properly pronounce names like padathakkeparambil and stuff like that-I feel its nearly Inhuman )Also the state where I'm from is Highly close-knitted and Society and your Social feel Is VERY important. And what you did in someone's House(the way you talked and the way you talked- specially since I'm not a known commodity as I now live in a different state). Also some extremely wierd issues Pop up which actually should not be discussed @ the house of these people you know nearly nothing about.
But then i try and Occupy myself with stuff like the good food they serve or maybe how one of the females there might look nice or try and think about finding something good in this situation.
basically to me it just is better if you accept it as a part of life. But this is sometimes not that easy,. So in those hard situations I tell myself that I 'd rather tell my parents that I am Absolutell not going to that place or Do whatever. And for the effects maybe add something like "I Don't care what you guys say but I'm just not Going/gonna Do that" or maybe say that I really have to do something else or before hand make some situation in which I can bail-out of doing some thing.

yea...i know...u eventually accept it as a way of life...but sometimes it can get very difficult.

 
Tri_Edge_1836  posted on Nov 22, 2009 8:31:58 AM - Report post

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quote:
originally posted by Dhampy

quote:
originally posted by saurabhfzd

quote:
originally posted by Dhampy

No you don't. You're an adult, you can simply choose not to go.

its not as easy as u might think. i come from a very orthodox/traditional part of the world. there's plenty for the sake of the family and duty that i've had to do...but didn't like at all. it gets complicated...even as adults...not always black/white...plenty of shades of grey too.

No, it is that easy. You just don't go. If they're really your FAMILY, then they will accept it and forgive. If they don't, they're just people you're related to and aren't worth dealing with.

I know it is just that but the fact is that your parents or whoever will get ****ed @ you and many a times quite badly for not going because the issue is not that you are going or not but whether you are following your Duties of meeting someone (dubbed your "loved ones" even if they practically just know our names). So the thing is that its just hard to weigh your wishes against the the thought that you would always like to keep your parents happy. (Even though I doubt that it would be possible ver)...

 
saurabhfzd  posted on Nov 22, 2009 8:35:26 AM - Report post

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quote:
originally posted by Tri_Edge_1836

quote:
originally posted by Dhampy

quote:
originally posted by saurabhfzd

quote:
originally posted by Dhampy

No you don't. You're an adult, you can simply choose not to go.

its not as easy as u might think. i come from a very orthodox/traditional part of the world. there's plenty for the sake of the family and duty that i've had to do...but didn't like at all. it gets complicated...even as adults...not always black/white...plenty of shades of grey too.

No, it is that easy. You just don't go. If they're really your FAMILY, then they will accept it and forgive. If they don't, they're just people you're related to and aren't worth dealing with.

I know it is just that but the fact is that your parents or whoever will get ****ed @ you and many a times quite badly for not going because the issue is not that you are going or not but whether you are following your Duties of meeting someone (dubbed your "loved ones" even if they practically just know our names). So the thing is that its just hard to weigh your wishes against the the thought that you would always like to keep your parents happy. (Even though I doubt that it would be possible ver)...

oh yes i seriously doubt if ever a child is going to keep his/her parents happy. u're right. i think the generational gap has a lot to do with the problems we face..u know..

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