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I'm bored......again
 
rayman2550  posted on Jan 18, 2013 10:09:37 AM - Report post

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ELITE
Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed.
"Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and I was abducted by an alien."
Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?"
"All I remember is being anally probed," Ted says.
Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?"
Ted responds, "Carl."
 
AdmiralP  posted on Jan 18, 2013 10:25:39 AM - Report post

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ELITE
An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealer's for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I think I know where I'm going wrong," said the idiot. "I think I am planting them too deep."
 
madatcheats  posted on Jan 18, 2013 11:10:28 AM - Report post

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ELDER
That's how communism worked:

Two guys in the GDR walk down a road. Every five meters, the first one digs a hole next to the street and the other one fills it up immediately. "What the hell are you two guys doing?", asks a pedestrian. "We're working here dude, but the guy who has to put in the sapling reported in sick today."

 
rayman2550  posted on Jan 18, 2013 11:36:26 AM - Report post

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ELITE
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
 
benduhova  posted on Jan 18, 2013 4:04:20 PM - Report post

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HIM
Two elephants fell off a cliff,
Boom,Boom
 
infinite_gamer  posted on Jan 18, 2013 5:56:47 PM - Report post

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ELITE
A guy is walking home from the bar and sees a grasshopper on the ground.He says "Hey,do you know there is a drink named after you?"

The grasshopper replies,"There is a drink named Irving?"

You can thank Family Guy for that one.

 
rayman2550  posted on Jan 19, 2013 8:57:56 AM - Report post

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ELITE
A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there. So he walks up to the car, and there's a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book.
The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book and I'm 20."
Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how oldshe is. The boy replies, "She's knitting and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."
 
deeppurple  posted on Jan 19, 2013 10:51:28 AM - Report post

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ELITE
a son walks into his parents bedroom and see's his father on top of his mother,his father looks at him and giggles as the son runs downstairs..a few minutes later the father hears sounds coming from downstairs and goes downstairs to find his son on top of his grandmother,the son looks over at his father and says...It's not so funny when its your mother is it!....

Bad product emdorsement....SPCA Hotdogs.....

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