General Discussions

They're ok, could be better though, like the flow for example. It just feels too halting, jerky even. But just keep trying, you'll get there soon

Also, you're going to have to put up with some criticism from other people in order to become a better poet. They'll help you improve, so don't take them personally and instead, find ways that you can improve. If you just want your ego fed, then you're not going to get very far

As for favourite poem, my love for poems was squeezed out years ago, so I'm going to go with the ice cream one since it seems to amuse so many people.

I've given up all expectations that it's possible to have a meaningful life.
I once was filled with inspiration, but that lion heart has lost his pride.

I fought for what I believed in, I fought for what I thought was right.
But in the end, the path of the righteous lost the fight.

Everything we stood for, all that we achieved.
Doesn't mean anything anymore, how can some of us not see?

This world has lost its luster; this world has lost its touch.
And until this world changes, this world won't gain back my trust.

Wow that is good. I wanted to keep my poems simple and short.

I think I better focus on stories bot poetry. I got number 1 in the contest in my school

"Paradise"

I doubt that really exists...
anywhere.
Even where the scent of the flower led me.
This place I've struggled to reach...
is a long way from paradise.

I lay here in the red snow,
my search for paradise has come to an abrupt end.
All of the hope I had, and the dreams I carried...
end right now along with my journey.

I went all of my life believing that one day,
I could go to a peaceful, beautiful place...
but this place doesn't exist,
at least not on this planet.

I saw the gates of this so called paradise open,
but all it brought with it was the end of the world.

...perhaps that's the key...

Maybe along with death comes happiness;
maybe this paradise I've been searching for...
has actually found me.

Coffee

Why oh why, you make me cry
You bring a tear, Did you know that Shafir?
I was doing fine, all was well
Then you come along, now these thoughts do swell
Dark Roast, or maybe Irish cream flavor
Many variations, these tastes I do savor
Rich and bitter, hot is always best
I'll take mine black, I don't know about the rest.

5 minute poetry at it's worst. Cheers :P

[edit]

I just noticed people are posting their actual poems instead of making them up on the fly, my apologies.

[Edited by Slvrbuu, 4/4/2011 1:33:44 PM]

[Edited by Slvrbuu, 4/4/2011 1:34:09 PM]

Well since Serivor started making poems, I thought I'd give it a shot and the closest thing I could think of was WH40k and the forces of Chaos. I did the whole rhyme thing, even though poetry without rhyming is great, rhymes can be a little catchy.


"The heralding of the Warp"

Twine, twine oh great symphonies of flame, warp and fire
heralding the heinous demons' dark desire,
and of their Dark Masters' horrid lust and ire.
Oh the great Dark Masters, of cold and unwelcoming silence they tire,
they scream "Let the pyres of skulls reach higher and higher!"

Let the Imperium's planets writhe and burn
let the tides of glorius, undivided Chaos turn,
for the souls of the Imperium let them yearn.
Of the Dark Masters' power shall Mankind learn.


Bring the Warp and a thousand storms to crush them all,
with this one fell swoop shall the Imperium fall.
This sacred task is no endeavour simple and small
so every man, woman and child, heed the Dark Masters' call!
From now onto eternity, man shall be our thrall!