posted 11/2/2010 10:31:04 AM
Announcer: We now bring you to the first part of 2012 presidential debates. Lashiec and his running mate Zio, for the newly renamed Algo Party, are up against Jenova and Sephiroth for the newly renamed Cetra Party. First up, Mr. Lashiec-
Lashiec: That's KING Lashiec. I worked so hard for that title.
Announcer: Ah yes, sorry. 'King' Lashiec, what are you qualifications to run for the presidency?
Lashiec: I am over 2000 years old, and have kept my castle and my body alive with the power of hatred for those that oppose me just so I can crush them!
Announcer: Well, that certainly qualifies you for congress, but what about the presidency?
Lashiec: Oh, yes. Well, I sold my soul to the ultimate evil, Dark Force, so that I may rule my kingdom through fear and power. I also sold out my own people just so I could stay in power eternally.
Announcer: I see Madam Jenova will be having a hard time competing with such qualifications. And what of your running mate, Mr. Zio-
Zio: That's Zio The Holy One. I worked so hard for that title.
Announcer: Or for the love of... Moving on! We go to Miss Jenova and her.... son... Sephiroth. *pauses to be corrected. When isn't, continues* How do you qualify for president?
Sephiroth: As Mother has no head, I will be speaking for her.
Announcer: I see no issue with a candidate not speaking for themself. Happens all the time. Continue, Mr. Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: Mother is qualified as she is also over 2000 years old, and was one of the original rulers of the planet. She has remained alive through the hatred of the traitors to the Cetra that aided in the destruction of her people.
Announcer: This of course is why she has been so successful in the Senate. What of her presidential platform?
Sephiroth: Mother will work to rid this world of the traitors, and then she and I will ride it through the darkness of space. *Voice grows louder, and fanatical* We will reclaim the world as our own and continue the reign of the Cetra. We will then find a new world to populate and claim as our own!
Announcer: I see, so you plan to run on an expansionist platform.
Lashiec: I'm sorry, but I've heard some debate that Jenova isn't actually an ancient, or 'Cetra' as you will, but the actual reason that they all were wiped out! You run on a lie!
Sephiroth: Big talk coming from someone who bows to a foreign power!
Lashiec: Dark Force is not a foreign power, but a GOD!
Announcer: We all know the religious believes the Algo Party has come to embrace. We all remember the heated argument Zio... the holy one... got for his proposal to introduce petrification as a form of corporal punishment.
Sephiroth: It's completely absurd. Simply burning everyone in a purifying conflagration is much more efficient.
Lashiec: I do hate to say it, but I agree with my opponent on this issue. Petrification is too easy to cure, what with Alshline potions and golden needles laying around everywhere. Death by Dark Wave is the only way to-
*An explosion rips open the auditorium doors, and in steps two groups of people, armed with swords, staves and a few guns.* Chaz: We're here to stop this! These people are frauds! They don't represent the true people of the worlds!
Announcer: *now hiding behind his desk as a fight breaks out between the new comers and the candidates* I'm afraid I will have to continue our coverage of the debate at a later time. The protest group know as the Tea... sorry, the 'Protagonist' Party has crashed the debate and is now fighting our candidates for the freedom of everyone, living and dead. *Camera goes to static as a fireball hits it* Hey! Damn heroes, watch where you throw those! This is expensive equipment!
- By Xavier Price.
Sorry, AUTHOR Xavier Price. I worked so hard to get that title.
(It was really said.)