Risen 2 - A bang to the head!
posted 4/28/2012 7:10:13 PM
*!!!Dramatized spoilers from the intro of the game!!!*
Summary of a confused person who has never finished Risen 1.
Me: "Oh, my head... What? Where am I? And how the hell did I get an eyepatch? Ah details, better go see the commandant..."
"Holy sh-! Why the hell is the ENTIRE city in flames and nobody gives a damn...? Must be the decor."
*Kraken eats ship*
"Wow, that ship didn't stand a chance but... *looks behind him* Don't we have bigger problems to worry about right now Mr. Commandant? Like, the entire city is ablaaaaaze, so much that you could see the glow in space? From the Moon? No? Okay, let's go kill something on the beach!"
Guard: "YA WANNA GO OUT WITHOUT A WEAPON? YA GOT A DEATHWISH?"
Me: "Don't be daft man! I got it... Oh right, no auto-equip... There, happy now?"
*To the beach!*
Me: "Oh wow, walking fishies are killing the only surv- OH right in the foot with both jaws and a blood spurt...! Unbelievable, she just jumped up without so much as a grunt! She won't need my help... Okay, maybe she does!"
Tough (3!T(|-|: "YOU DID NOT JUST SAVE ME!"
Me: "FINE! OKAY! Let's go to the commandant!"
Tough (3!T(|-|: "MY DADDY HAS WAY TO KILL KRAKEN, I TAKE HIM AND WE GO TO DADDY!"
Me: "SLOW DOWN GIRL WE'VE ONLY JUST MET! Geez, we could at least have dinner first.
*Few dialogs later I wake up next to that woman fully dressed in my 1-person bed.*
Me: "Already? With the clothes? That was quick! Oh hey!"
Dude outside: "Hey man! I'm training the guards! Wanna help?!"
Me: "Golly, sure, where do we start! Wait, what are y-"
Me: "OH GOD MY HP BAR! IT'S... GONE! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?! Well, at least I'm alive, drunk, broke, oblivious, and close to death!"
Commandant: "Welcome! You are no longer part of the inquisition now and I'm sending you to the other end of the world on a ship called 'Black Betty'! Goodbye!"
Me: "Charming. Well, I'mma just talk to the guy upstairs, 'k?"
Blond dude: "You are no longer part of the inquisition, or so I heard the commandant say! That means: NO SALARY FOR YOU!"
Me: *Sniff* *Sob* "Whyhyyyy.. What do you all have against me? Did I **** you off in the first game? It wasn't me I sweaaheaaarrr..." *sob*