1) "Don't talk in front of my back!"
2) "Both of you three get out of the class!"
3) When sir comes late to the class, he says he was ABSENT for 10 minutes.
A new chainsaw and a gallon of gas: $400 (Can't skimp on quality here man)
Rudimentary chemistry set complete with Alembic, Mortar and Pestle, Calcinator, and Bunson Burner: $250 (Quality over quantity).
Wishing you actually knew how to clone someone as you get dragged off by the police for the murder and dismemberment of your life-partner's mother: A pack of menthols and a toothbrush for 15 minutes in the showers. You never get to touch or see any of it, for once, you're the product.
Newton's Theory: Provoke The tiger and when it jumps on you, touch it.
Einstein's Theory: Run after the tiger until it gets tired and then touch it.
Corrupt Officer's Theory: Pick up a cat and tickle it with bare hands until it accepts that it is a tiger.
[Edited by evilascended, 8/18/2010 8:18:27 AM]
A:To get to the other side!
How many blonds does it take to screw a light bulb?
2, one to hold it and the other one to run around it.
I'm kinda afraid of vacuum cleaners, does that mean I'm part animal?
Anyway, why did the blonde stare at the juice container? Because it said concentrate.
The barber asks her to take a seat in the chair and take her headphones out.
"No! If I take my headphones out I'll DIE!" She exclaimed, and the barber decided to let her keep listening while he cuts her hair.
After a few minutes the blonde's earbuds fall out. A minute later she turns blue in the face, then she collapses on the ground and convulses rapidly.
The barber picks up the dropped iPod and puts the headphones to his ears.
"Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out..."