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Posted: Aug 17, 2010 8:51:42 PM - Report post  (0)  (0)       Post Reply  post reply  

How bad my professor is when it comes to grammar:-

1) "Don't talk in front of my back!"

2) "Both of you three get out of the class!"

3) When sir comes late to the class, he says he was ABSENT for 10 minutes.

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Posted: Aug 18, 2010 12:50:28 AM - Report post  (0)  (0)       Post Reply  post reply  

The elements that make up the human body: Under $8 total.

A new chainsaw and a gallon of gas: $400 (Can't skimp on quality here man)

Rudimentary chemistry set complete with Alembic, Mortar and Pestle, Calcinator, and Bunson Burner: $250 (Quality over quantity).

Wishing you actually knew how to clone someone as you get dragged off by the police for the murder and dismemberment of your life-partner's mother: A pack of menthols and a toothbrush for 15 minutes in the showers. You never get to touch or see any of it, for once, you're the product.

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Posted: Aug 18, 2010 6:25:09 AM - Report post  (0)  (0)       Post Reply  post reply  

A guy wanted to go in the police, the police moved aside so the guy went trough the wall.
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Because French Is Awesome.

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Posted: Aug 18, 2010 8:17:02 AM - Report post  (0)  (0)       Post Reply  post reply  

How To Touch A Tiger:

Newton's Theory: Provoke The tiger and when it jumps on you, touch it.

Einstein's Theory: Run after the tiger until it gets tired and then touch it.

Corrupt Officer's Theory: Pick up a cat and tickle it with bare hands until it accepts that it is a tiger.

[Edited by evilascended, 8/18/2010 8:18:27 AM]

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Posted: Aug 18, 2010 8:37:29 AM - Report post  (0)  (0)       Post Reply  post reply  

Q:How many alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?...

A:To get to the other side!

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Posted: Aug 18, 2010 8:44:14 AM - Report post  (0)  (0)       Post Reply  post reply  

 quote:
 originally posted by Petray:

Q:How many alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?...

A:To get to the other side!

How many blonds does it take to screw a light bulb?

2, one to hold it and the other one to run around it.

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Because French Is Awesome.

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Posted: Aug 18, 2010 9:36:56 AM - Report post  (0)  (0)       Post Reply  post reply  

 quote:
 originally posted by potato_chips:

Some funny stuff + jokes:

They call television a medium. That's because it is neither rare nor well done.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

God: Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth.
Angel: What are you going to do now?
God: I think I'll call it a day

An Irishman is not drunk as long as he can hold on to one blade of grass to keep from falling off the world.

A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one

A woman is like a teabag - only in hot water do you realize how strong she is


"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners." -Jeff Stilson

I'm kinda afraid of vacuum cleaners, does that mean I'm part animal?

Anyway, why did the blonde stare at the juice container? Because it said concentrate.

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Posted: Aug 18, 2010 4:09:41 PM - Report post  (0)  (0)       Post Reply  post reply  

A blonde walks in to a barber shop to get a hair cut one day while listening to her iPod.

The barber asks her to take a seat in the chair and take her headphones out.

"No! If I take my headphones out I'll DIE!" She exclaimed, and the barber decided to let her keep listening while he cuts her hair.

After a few minutes the blonde's earbuds fall out. A minute later she turns blue in the face, then she collapses on the ground and convulses rapidly.

The barber picks up the dropped iPod and puts the headphones to his ears.

"Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out..."

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