They call television a medium. That's because it is neither rare nor well done.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
God: Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Angel: What are you going to do now? God: I think I'll call it a day
An Irishman is not drunk as long as he can hold on to one blade of grass to keep from falling off the world.
A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one
A woman is like a teabag - only in hot water do you realize how strong she is
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners." -Jeff Stilson