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jokes
 
Whit3Ghost  posted on Jul 14, 2010 9:34:41 AM - Report post

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A guy sets up two pool balls at two seperate corners on a pool table, he tells a guy to keep them in place. He says he will hit the two balls in one shot. He shoots, and ends up hitting the guys own balls, saying I told you I'd hit both balls!!

[Edited by Whit3Ghost, 7/14/2010 9:35:32 AM]

 
QueenNic  posted on Jul 14, 2010 11:36:37 AM - Report post

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quote:
originally posted by malyg

quote:
originally posted by Nic_Durron

Guys, these aren't funny...

Except for Fault and Shibby's, theirs made me smile.

But the rest of you should not be allowed to tell jokes ever again.

Stop complaining and tell one then >_>

How do you wind up a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask what period it is from

Mkay I'll tell a joke.

The Malcolmtrain

 
AdmiralAckbar  posted on Jul 14, 2010 11:43:30 AM - Report post

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quote:
originally posted by malyg

quote:
originally posted by Nic_Durron

Guys, these aren't funny...

Except for Fault and Shibby's, theirs made me smile.

But the rest of you should not be allowed to tell jokes ever again.

Stop complaining and tell one then >_>

How do you wind up a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask what period it is from

lol
Ok, here we go. It's a little old, but it's a lot like fine wine.
Q: What did Blackbeard say when he was asked what Anti-Virus program he uses?
A: "Avast ye land lubber!"

 
LifeOfGaming  posted on Jul 14, 2010 12:17:44 PM - Report post

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Wow. Only half of those made me smile, possibly less.

Okay, so you're on a beautiful white horse. There's a stampede of gazelles in front of you that won't get out of your way, a lion behind you, more horses to your right, and on your left, a drop-off. How do you get out of this dangerous situation?!

A: Get your drunken *** off the Merry-Go-Round!!

I admit, it's kind of corny. But it's true...

 
fault2k  posted on Jul 14, 2010 1:31:37 PM - Report post

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There's this guy who wants to lose some weight, so he calls up this place his friend told him about. They guarantee 10 pounds lost for ten dollars. So he takes the ten dollar deal and a few days later a smoking hot lady is at the front door, about a 9/10.

She says "If you catch me you can have me" so he chases her, and chases her, and chases her, and finally he gives up and goes home. Sure enough he lost ten pounds.

So he call's them back and takes the 20 dollar package this time, so the next day, the absolutely most beautiful woman he's ever seen in his life is standing at his door. She says "If you catch me you can have me." So he runs, and runs, and runs and when he finally gives up he goes back home and he lost 20 pounds.

At this point he was still not in the best shape, so he decided too see what the 50 dollar package is. A few days later a big burly guy in a thong knocks on the door. "If I catch you, you're mine."

[Edited by fault2k, 7/14/2010 1:32:44 PM]

 
malyg  posted on Jul 17, 2010 3:26:39 PM - Report post

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An Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani have all just become fathers for the very first time. A nurse comes up to them and tells them that they have muddled up whose baby is who so they need all three to go take a look. The Englishman walks in and walks out with the rather obvious Pakistani baby. The Pakistani says thats his child. The Englishman answers with "I know. But there are two children in there, one of which is Welsh. I'm not taking that risk."

>_>

[Edited by malyg, 7/19/2010 7:14:51 AM]

 
lucebuce  posted on Jul 18, 2010 2:48:36 PM - Report post

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Q: How do you make Holy Water ?

A: You boil the hell out of it!

 
BobaFett  posted on Jul 18, 2010 2:50:09 PM - Report post

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An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar, the barman says "What is this, some kind of joke?"
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