Drugs, there are times when we debate whether or not you're even alive. Nice try, but no.
I love you really. Less than three, etc.
I never claimed to be alive. And on the topic of nerddom, sadly I have you beat. I program, play computer games, am on a Computing degree (on the computing society committee too), am surrounded by professional nerds five days a week and just yesterday I made a wikipedia joke in a bar. *hangs head in shame*