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    YOSUP'S BLOG COMMENTS  
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 Hello Cheat Happens
 yosup
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posted: 8/17/2012 12:58:21 AM - Report Post    edit post

So I thought. I started to recall repressed memories of my childhood, and piece together why I had been a social outcast early in life, and why I relied so heavily on the influence and acceptance of others later. Finally, I saw the whole picture in front of me: the depression stemmed from my parents splitting up, and the neglect, and the love and care I didn't receive growing up. To date, I am still neglected by my mother, and I haven't seen my father since his mother's funeral in 2004.

In late March, after realizing all of this, I met a girl named Tashia. Her and I had so much in common; the same musical tastes, the same love for literature, etc. She had even suffered emotional neglect and abuse from her father, which was extremely relatable to me. We hit it off so fast. We really got to know each other from March until this month, when she realized I was still not over myself, and was still having problems being happy with myself. She said that I wasn't ready for a relationship, and that I needed to get into bearings with myself, and get over my own personal issues before having a relationship in the first place. She opened my eyes even more.

I've quit smoking pot. It's constant use started giving me panic attacks, and the anxiety about the afterlife that I had been suffering early in my childhood, so much so to the extent of my seeking admittance into a hospital, because I was under the impression that I was in the process of dying.

I'm looking forward to school starting in September, and I've never looked forward to school before in my life. I can't wait to prove that I can actually do it well.

Since Tashia broke up with me, I've been getting my **** together, turning my life around, and I've never been more happy with myself, knowing that I could actually do something about the state I was in, and knowing that I actually have a future ahead of me. Now all I have to do is continue building upon this, and eventually I'll be an even better person than before.

   
 
 
 Hello Cheat Happens
 yosup
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posted: 8/17/2012 12:46:04 AM - Report Post    edit post

That summer was probably the longest summer that I will never remember. It ended with Nichelle and I breaking up. I spiraled into an even deeper depression, getting even more high, even more of the time. September rolled around again, which meant my senior year had arrived. I was in too deep in the emotional grave I had dug myself to even begin to care about school. I nearly dropped out entirely. Nichelle had, for all intents and purposes, replaced me with somebody she knew I hated, which only made things worse for me.

Near the end of November 2011, my grandmother died. I was so ****ed up I didn't know what to do about it, and it never really hit me until almost Christmas time that she was gone. Also around Christmas time, Nichelle and I had tried getting back together. Honestly, I was being the best boyfriend I could be, to try to atone for the way I treated her in the summer, and she treated me like **** as payback. I deserved it. What I didn't deserve though, was walking in on her and the guy she had replaced me with (September through December) after working a night shift, sleeping together in her bed. What a morning that was. Many tears were shed, and many vulgar words were thrown about. Even after that betrayal, silly me was still up for trying to work through it. The following day, February 14th, she tore my heart in two, breaking up with me. She told me that she needed time alone. That, I later found out, was a lie, as she started, and still is, dating that person.

Life practically froze before my eyes. Time had no meaning. The depression was just too much, and the drugs did nothing to help me cope with anything anymore. By the middle of March, it was time to come into terms with myself, and begin to turn my life around.

   
 
 
 Hello Cheat Happens
 yosup
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posted: 8/17/2012 12:33:15 AM - Report Post    edit post

Once I reached high school, in 2008, I was so submerged in this fantasy that all I cared about was my social standing, the highest mark I achieved that entire year was a 64, in woodshop. I barely passed any of the other courses, and begun my sophomore year extensively far under my classmates in prerequisite knowledge.

I finally realized that I had been ruining my education about halfway through the year, in between semesters, and spiraled into a depression. I had lost faith in myself. I had lost faith that I could turn it around. I became lazy. I would wake up in the morning, and tell myself that I would go to school the next day, or that I would turn it around later. Everything I had been supposed to feel emotionally was bottled up. I kept my personal issues to myself, and would explode at the slightest annoyance or disturbance while alone. I failed three of the four courses I had that semester. This laziness and depression continued into my Junior year. Honestly my grade eleven year is so blurry to me. I started drinking regularly and I started smoking pot so as to cope with myself.

Nichelle, my girlfriend at the time, and I started to have some problems, obviously stemming from the fact that I was so upset with myself, but this wasn't apparent to either of us at the time. Mainly because I never opened up to anybody about my early childhood. She attributed our problems to a new friend I made, who had introduced me to smoking pot in the first place. I became defensive. This friend was the first true friend I had ever had. He was the first one who was actually there for me, albeit it wasn't the best way to cope with what I had gone through.

These relationship problems continued throughout the entire 2010 year, and around September of that year I began to smoke pot on my own. Somehow, I did better in my junior year than in my sophomore year, but during the summer of 2011, I began to neglect my girlfriend, and constantly get high behind her back.

   
 
 
 Can someone...
 Bes
yosup
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posted: 8/16/2012 11:22:54 PM - Report Post    edit post

Nothing really surprises me nowadays.

[Edited by yosup, 8/16/2012 11:28:57 PM]

   
 
 
 Can someone...
 Bes
yosup
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User # 67880
posted: 8/16/2012 9:00:01 PM - Report Post    edit post

If you still need it done, hand it over and I'll see what I can do.

[Edited by yosup, 8/16/2012 9:01:58 PM]

   
 
 
 School starts in less than a month
 forty-two
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posted: 8/16/2012 7:04:44 PM - Report Post    edit post

What are you taking?

   
 
 
 My Best of 2011 List...
 Serivor
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User # 67880
posted: 8/15/2012 6:24:18 PM - Report Post    edit post

You forgot about Dead and Divine's Antimacy.

   
 
 
 ?
 yosup
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posted: 7/5/2012 12:54:53 PM - Report Post    edit post

Link

   
 
 
 Request #1
 Latiosmaster47
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User # 67880
posted: 7/3/2011 3:15:32 PM - Report Post    edit post

I request an ms paint short-comic that includes two gentlemen having an intelligent discussion as something spontaneous and out of the ordinary happens in the background. They do not notice, and what is happening in the background has something to do with what they're talking about.

   
 
 
 Name some books to read.
 forty-two
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User # 67880
posted: 7/2/2011 9:57:10 PM - Report Post    edit post

Read in order
Mass Effect: Revelation
Mass Effect: Ascension
Mass Effect: Retribution
all by Drew Karpyshyn.

Even if you don't like Mass Effect, they are all excellent sci-fi novels.

   
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