Once I reached high school, in 2008, I was so submerged in this fantasy that all I cared about was my social standing, the highest mark I achieved that entire year was a 64, in woodshop. I barely passed any of the other courses, and begun my sophomore year extensively far under my classmates in prerequisite knowledge.
I finally realized that I had been ruining my education about halfway through the year, in between semesters, and spiraled into a depression. I had lost faith in myself. I had lost faith that I could turn it around. I became lazy. I would wake up in the morning, and tell myself that I would go to school the next day, or that I would turn it around later. Everything I had been supposed to feel emotionally was bottled up. I kept my personal issues to myself, and would explode at the slightest annoyance or disturbance while alone. I failed three of the four courses I had that semester. This laziness and depression continued into my Junior year. Honestly my grade eleven year is so blurry to me. I started drinking regularly and I started smoking pot so as to cope with myself.
Nichelle, my girlfriend at the time, and I started to have some problems, obviously stemming from the fact that I was so upset with myself, but this wasn't apparent to either of us at the time. Mainly because I never opened up to anybody about my early childhood. She attributed our problems to a new friend I made, who had introduced me to smoking pot in the first place. I became defensive. This friend was the first true friend I had ever had. He was the first one who was actually there for me, albeit it wasn't the best way to cope with what I had gone through.
These relationship problems continued throughout the entire 2010 year, and around September of that year I began to smoke pot on my own. Somehow, I did better in my junior year than in my sophomore year, but during the summer of 2011, I began to neglect my girlfriend, and constantly get high behind her back.