So I thought. I started to recall repressed memories of my childhood, and piece together why I had been a social outcast early in life, and why I relied so heavily on the influence and acceptance of others later. Finally, I saw the whole picture in front of me: the depression stemmed from my parents splitting up, and the neglect, and the love and care I didn't receive growing up. To date, I am still neglected by my mother, and I haven't seen my father since his mother's funeral in 2004.
In late March, after realizing all of this, I met a girl named Tashia. Her and I had so much in common; the same musical tastes, the same love for literature, etc. She had even suffered emotional neglect and abuse from her father, which was extremely relatable to me. We hit it off so fast. We really got to know each other from March until this month, when she realized I was still not over myself, and was still having problems being happy with myself. She said that I wasn't ready for a relationship, and that I needed to get into bearings with myself, and get over my own personal issues before having a relationship in the first place. She opened my eyes even more.
I've quit smoking pot. It's constant use started giving me panic attacks, and the anxiety about the afterlife that I had been suffering early in my childhood, so much so to the extent of my seeking admittance into a hospital, because I was under the impression that I was in the process of dying.
I'm looking forward to school starting in September, and I've never looked forward to school before in my life. I can't wait to prove that I can actually do it well.
Since Tashia broke up with me, I've been getting my **** together, turning my life around, and I've never been more happy with myself, knowing that I could actually do something about the state I was in, and knowing that I actually have a future ahead of me. Now all I have to do is continue building upon this, and eventually I'll be an even better person than before.