“Dad, who am I?”
A few years ago, there was a popular commercial with this phrase. In the deep question concerning one’s identity, the father’s expression was surprisingly direct.
“I don’t really know either.”
Hard to follow, and not knowing why, I had to endure my mathematics and English classes. My high school years were like a dark tunnel. They were times when I wandered in the darkness, not knowing where the exit was. Even though I was chastised at times for being at the arcades and for my poor grades, they were only momentary. I could not find my path by myself, and I did not share my parent’s expectations and hopes. Not given any other choice but to enter college, my school life was in itself a dark tunnel. ‘What is there past this tunnel? If I pass this tunnel, will I really have the world?’ In this way, I spent my high school life miserably.
They were the times when I did not love myself, and I confined myself in the dark tunnel and endured day after day. But even in the dark tunnel, I was searching for something. I felt as though my life’s treasure was hidden somewhere. I was wandering because I couldn’t find it easily. Back then, I didn’t know the meaning of, ‘To find life’s treasures, the only way is to plunge into the abyss,’ and that where we fall on the way is where our treasure is, and inside the cave that we fear so much is where we will discover what we desire